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Still want more self-help, self-motivation and self-self?  Here's another excerpt from The Loser Syndrome:  Prevention Detection, Cure.  Read and enjoy!  (Then we think it's time to got out your credit card, don't you?)

Chapter 4:
The Three States of Mind

It is my theory that, any given moment, you or I, or anyone for that matter, is in one of three mental states.  Henceforth (that means “from now on”), we shall refer to these mental states as The Three States of Mind. Know why we call them that? Because there are three of them, that’s why.

1. Normal

When you are Normal, you are more or less in control of your life. You are content most of the time. You may have some challenges - everybody does - but you are taking care of business - you are sure of yourself - you understand the limitations and possibilities in your life - and you are at peace with yourself.
Obviously, Normal is the State we all want to be in. And I would say, if you are Normal, you probably don’t need this book, unless of course, you want to be entertained - which is another great reason to read it.

2. The Loser Syndrome: Phase I

Unfortunately, many people are not in a Normal State of Mind. That means, chances are, you aren’t, either - you are most probably in the second State of Mind - what we call The Loser Syndrome: Phase I.

When you are in Phase I, you are convinced you will never win at anything. You are panicked, or at least on edge, about your place in life most all of the time - usually this panic is caused by a set of problems or shortcomings - maybe even one problem or shortcoming - and you are continually reinforcing those Loser-oriented behaviors. Worst of all, you are constantly letting on to other people that you think you are a Loser. You are walking the proverbial plank, but thankfully, you have not yet fallen into the proverbial drink - you can be saved!

3. The Loser Syndrome: Phase II

Once you have reached the Third State, The Loser Syndrome: Phase II, you are by definition set on a downward spiral that is almost impossible to reverse. Why impossible?  Simply because, in Phase II, you have the disease, but you don’t actually know you are ill. This phase brings you about as close to the pure state of Loser than anyone would every want to be.

Picture This! (This is a hypothetical situation - just play along here.)

When most people take a look at who you are, they see a real Loser - a person who still lives with his mom at the age of 35 - a person who barely makes a living - a person who swore he was going to finish college 10 years ago, but never did. A person who dresses like it was 1985 - and wrinkled to boot!

On this particular day, you get up at 11 in the morning, you unroll yourself out of the sheets, drag into the bathroom and take that first look at yourself in the mirror - what do you see?  Well, you sure don’t see all the things that other people see - the living with your mother - the sloppy clothes - the total lack of ambition - they don’t phase you in the least!  These things used to bother you, but they sure don’t, anymore.  All you see is that you’ve got some toilet paper stuck to your cheek. 

Forget shaving and brushing your teeth, it’s downstairs to the kitchen with you. Mom is fixing your breakfast and you can almost taste it! The paper will be waiting for you on the dining room table, too. Thanks, Mom! Looks like a nice day - maybe you’ll even get out of the house.

Need we say more?  This is a person who is so accepting of his lot in life - he is only subconsciously aware of the need for change - and this is what it is like to have The Loser Syndrome: Phase II.  All the habits and beliefs that are keeping you on that downward spiral are so ingrained, so a part of your life, they are almost invisible - to you. Other people may notice them, but you don’t. You had ambitions once, you saw what was wrong in your life once, you felt like a Loser once, but you simply gave up and now you feel and see nothing.
 
Just to clarify, in this example, if the guy were to know and understand that he feels like a Loser - if he were to want to improve or fulfill his goals but doesn’t think he ever will - that would be a case of The Loser Syndrome: Phase I.  However, if this person is completely out of it - if he is doing all the wrong things but doesn’t realize it anymore, he has Phase II. The “doesn’t realize it anymore” part is the distinguishing factor.

Now I want to state something for the record here:  Just because you live with your mother or are unemployed does not mean you have The Loser Syndrome, Phase I or II.  I think you know that. The Loser Syndrome: Phase I is when you are so insecure and/or downtrodden, you think you can never win. Phase II is when your mind is so tired of thinking you will never win, your whole sense of reality just shuts down - you are in a state of denial.  So, it’s not the circumstances that give you the disease - it’s the state of mind that does.
 
What’s the first step in ridding yourself of The Loser Syndrome? Very often, the only way you can be cured is through intervention - someone must actually tell you point blank that you have the disease - but, alas, chances are very, very good, no one ever will. Why?

Being kept in the dark

Think for a moment about the people you perceive to be Losers - neighbors, friends, relatives - are they really aware of what they’re doing wrong?  No. They are all heading down that path of no return, but they certainly don’t know that they are, and for sure, you are not going to be the one to tell them.

You see, that is the overwhelming challenge when you have The Loser Syndrome: Phase I or II - being kept in the dark.  And being kept in the dark happens even to Normal people almost every day of the week - where something is wrong with them, they don’t know that something is wrong with them, and nobody else has the guts to tell them.

Take you, for example. When you wake up in the morning, and your breath smells like a festering pool of - well - awfully bad-smelling stuff, and you do brush your teeth in the morning - you really do! - but for some reason or other, it just does not help.  Let me ask you - do you honestly believe that strangers will let you know about your stinky condition? Of course not!  They might turn away, should you accidentally breathe on them - they might politely excuse themselves before escaping into the bathroom to throw up - but to actually say to you, “No offense, sir or madam, but your breath smells like a festering pool of - well, really bad smelling stuff” - that is not likely to happen.

Take another example. Say you were walking down the street, and you had a big, gaping hole in the back of your pants, exposing the old, stained undies you were forced to wear this morning because you didn’t have time to do the laundry last night, chances are, you wouldn’t even notice it - especially if the outside air temperature were the same as on the inside of your steamy, torn pants.

In any case, you are on the sidewalk, taking in the wonderful weather and you don’t know anything about your own pants - but you can bet everyone else walking behind you does! And will anyone tell you about it? Not likely.

Likewise, when you have a case of The Loser Syndrome, you are too far gone to know that you have it, and to be sure - that’s right - no one else is going to tell you.

So part of the point of this book is to make you aware of what State of Mind you are in and to deal with that State of Mind. Which State of Mind are you in - Normal, The Loser Syndrome: Phase I or The Loser Syndrome: Phase II?  If it is anything other than Normal, we are going to try and bring you back. And isn’t that what we all want to be - Normal?

Why didn’t we mention “Winner” as a State of Mind?

You may recall the test I mentioned in the introduction - the Neuro/Psychological Scaled Evaluation or NPSEn. I told you that if you score above a Zero, you are defined as being in the Tangential Winner Metric. So why, you ask, am I now saying that Winner is not a bona fide State of Mind? You ask some very good questions. And to be perfectly honest, the main reason is that, originally, I forgot to include it - but when I remembered, I decided not to, and for a number of reasons. First, “The Three States of Mind” sounds so much better than “The Four States of Mind” - we are used to hearing things come in three’s. Plus, it’s so much easier to remember three States than it is to remember four.

I was joking there, as you could probably tell.  More importantly, the concept of being a Winner in life is bogus!  Anyone who walks around thinking, “I’m a Winner, I’m a Winner!” is either an egomaniacal idiot or has other problems far too morbid to mention.  I’m pretty sure even people who actually win big - Lottery winners - Oscar and Emmy winners - Olympic champions - do not walk around saying, “Hey everybody, I’m a Winner!”  OK.  Maybe they do that for a few days just after they’ve won - but to walk around for the rest of your life thinking you’re a Winner - I would advise against that.

The most important reason we did not mention Winner as a state of mind is simply because no one really wants to be around Winners.  Be around successful people?  Yes.  Rich people?  Certainly.  Handsome or beautiful-beyond-belief people?  Most definitely (except if you’re the jealous type). But Winners?  They’re over the top.
 
So when other self-help books say, “You can be a Winner in life,” I say, don’t even go there.  I mean - do you actually want a trail of people following you around and cheering you on all the time?  Forget about it.  First of all, it’s not going to happen, and second of all - this trail of people will probably get in the way, especially when you need to pee.
 
No.  For you, it’s either The Loser Syndrome: Phase I, The Loser Syndrome: Phase II or Normal.  And when you are down in the dumps, as you probably are right now, doesn’t Normal sound like a little bit of Heaven?

***

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Copyright © 2006  Clifford S. Yurman. All rights reserved.

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